Neurodivergence and the Music Industry

I discovered that I am on the autistic spectrum way into adulthood, having navigated the sometimes unkind music industry for many years without understanding why I felt so insecure, isolated and at times overwhelmed. Whilst the diagnosis doesn't change who I am, it does give me insight as to why life can feel so utterly overwhelming at times.

In the early part of my career I would always pass the audition, get the trial and then fall flat. Asking for feedback, I was told I wasn't a "team player" or that I was "difficult to work with". Nothing to do with how I played but all to do with me in social situations.

Masking

Since childhood I had learnt to mask. Learnt how to fit in, take social cues from others and get by. I relished the hours spent alone, however. I was bullied at school and in youth orchestra as this small, quiet girl was an easy target and I think the solitude of the Practice room was therapeutic for me. My understanding of how all of this negatively affected my early career is something I am keen to share far and wide so that YOU don't have to suffer like I did.

The Social Do's and Don'ts of an Orchestra

When I first started freelancing after college, I never went for tea in the break with colleagues. At the time I thought I would be imposing on them if I suggested going with them, that they wouldn't want to have to bother with me and so I scurried off alone. You don't have to go for tea, but if you can it usually helps and if you need some quiet time it is best to say; "please don't think me anti-social but I really need some quiet space for myself. Enjoy your tea." When you are on Trial, your colleagues will want to include you in social meet-ups. They want to get to know you and they don't want you to feel left out, so if you do want alone time, do say so that don't feel uncomfortable.

Do smile and say hello and do attempt eye contact with colleagues when you first go in somewhere new. Introduce yourself and if you are terrible with names, learn the names of key people in the section before you go in.

Prosopagnosia

One condition which goes hand in hand with the Autistic Spectrum is Prosopagnosia or facial recognition blindness. Figuring out that I have this was such a revelation! I have no doubt upset a lot of people or at the very least seemed aloof or unfriendly because I simply don't recognise people unless I know them well and have "learnt" their face. Usually I recognise someone's voice before I recognise their face. Now I can say to people; "Sorry, please excuse me for not knowing who you are, I'm really bad at remembering faces."

So how did I get a job?

The German system (common in most of Europe) is much more Autistic-Spectrum friendly. Once you win the audition you have up to a years' probation. In this time you can slowly, in your own time settle into the orchestra and navigate the social situations over time. There is less rush to prove yourself in a few days or weeks. Later, returning to the UK I had learnt enough about myself that I successfully won two jobs in the UK.